Taking an Honest and Spiritual Inventory

pastor John baker

Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.

Happy are the pure in heart. (Matthew 5:3)

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. (Lamentations 3:40)

sponsor - Lesson 7

Why do I need a sponsor and/or an accountability partner?

Having a sponsor and/or accountability partner is biblical.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Proverbs 27:17

Having a sponsor and/or accountability partner is a key part of your recovery program.

Maintain your honest view of reality as you work each principle
Make recover group meetings a priority in your schedule
Maintain your spiritual program with Jesus Christ
Get involved in service

Having a sponsor and/or accountability partner is the best guard against relapse.

Providing feedback to keep you on track - can see your old dysfunctional hurts, hang-ups, and habits; confronting you with truth and love without placing shame or guilt.

What are the qualities of a sponsor?

“Though good advice lies deep within a counselor’s heart, the wise man will draw it out.” Proverbs 20:5

Does his walk match his talk? Is he living by the eight principles?
Does she have a growing relationship with Jesus Christ?
Does he express the desire to help others on the “road to recovery?”
Does she show compassion, care, and hope, but not pity?
Is he a good listener?
Is she strong enough to confront your denial or procrastination?
Does he offer suggestions?
Can she share her own current struggles with others?

What is the role of a sponsor?

She can be there to discuss issues in detail that are too personal or would take too much time in a meeting
He is available in times of crisis or potential relapse
She serves as a sounding board by providing an objective point of view
He is there to encourage you to work the principles at your own speed. He does not work the steps for you
Most important, she attempts to model the lifestyle resulting from working the eight principles
A sponsor can resign or can be fired

Why is it important for you to have a support team?
Without it, the chances of success in recovery becomes very slim. Not that it isn’t possible, only that you would be alone in your journey. When you can turn to people who understand, empathize, and provide words of comfort and support, you can share in each others struggles and challenges, lifting your spirit.
What qualities are you looking for in a sponsor?
Fearlessly devoted to their walk with the Lord; has a family; serves in some capacity in the church and/or community; is available should I need to reach out.
How have you attempted to find a sponsor/accountability partner?
Not for several years. When our group disbanded from NHO then to Wellsprings, even the group at Kaimuki Christian, we kept in touch but not continue on a regular bases. I reach out from time to time to check-in, seeing how the group members are and if they need any help.
What are some new places and ways you can try to find a sponsor/accountability partner?
Celebrate Recovery website. Checking with different churches and support groups. Even if you have to go to AA/NA and get help, someone is better than no one after you’ve turned to the Lord and asked for direction.
What is the difference between a sponsor and and accountability partner?
Sponsor guides you through the process of recovery from hurts, hang-ups, & habits. Accountability partner supports you through the challenges of life; keeping you inline with what the Word provides us as instructions for life.
List the names and phone numbers of possible sponsors or accountability partners. These should be individuals you have met on your “Road to Recovery” who have touched you in the sharing of their experiences, strengths, and hopes.
Mr. Don Yanaga - (808) 230-0611
Mr. Wayne Painovich - (808) 779-5367
Mr. Bob Peterson - (808) 478-3266

moral - Lesson 8

Make Time
Open
Rely
Analyze
List

Where will you go for quiet time to being your inventory?
In my car, at a park, somewhere to be alone.
What date have you set aside to start? What Time?
Weekends and evenings.
What are your fears as you begin your inventory? Why?
What else have I not confronted even after all these years. Perhaps there are still painful areas where I need to address and correct that I’ve been avoiding.
What can you do to help you “wake up” your feelings?
Be willing to reflect on areas where I am still challenged, having issues with, a serious deficit in, and being willing to ask for feedback from people I trust and love that won’t hide what they see that I need to work on.
Describe your experience of turning your life over to Christ.
It was way before I finally walked away from the drugs and alcohol. While I may have been saved, I cannot say I lived a life that resembled the greatest decision I’ve ever made. It was when I finally chose to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, walking with Christ, learning how to live a life that wasn’t an embarrassment to those I love and who loved me.
In the beginning it still took some time to adjust. Old habits, routines - places I’d go & people I’d see, how I spoke to and with others, etc. were really hard to break because that is what I had done for so long and never really considered the consequences. Slowly and surely God was working in my life; allowing me to take small steps to heal, build up trust with my family, develop new skills - for coping, reducing the triggers and urge to use, dealing with issues properly, improving relational skills, and others.
Through time I was able to see more clearly, think rationally, behavior properly, communicate precisely, and kept building on these.
How do you attempt to turn over your will to God’s care on a daily basis?
a) begin my day with prayer - at home asking for His hands of protection over my family, to not undue anything that was built up reflecting Christ’s love and work in my life and what He’s built up in my family, for guidance of the Holy Spirit, wisdom, discernment, understanding, strength, etc.
b) praying for my workplace in the parking garage before I step in to the office
c) during the day - pause, take a deep breath, reflect on what is bothering me, what am I struggling/dealing with, the situation(s) I’m facing, and try not to react or speak if it would cause pain or poorly reflect my walk with Jesus
d) pray if a problem arises as in (c) and when are where needed - always asking God for help in all situation because I realize I cannot do it on my own
e) read the Bible, a book or other - to get my mind & heart right
f) listen to scripture or a podcast - to focus on a message, to gain insight, to clear my mind
g) journal - update my website; write out my thoughts on paper
List the things you have used to block the pain of your past.
h) drugs
i) alcohol
What have you done to step out of your denial?
Be open to constructive feedback - not just criticism. Actively listen when someone is speaking into my life - whether I like it or not, need to hear what they have to say.
I will process and see what role I played to get it as far as it did and what I can do to change and improve myself for the future. This would likely not only be for myself, but for those around me that have been affected by my behavior, attitude, and/or words.
How can you continue to find new ways out of your denial of the past?
Reflect when situations arises where I have been poor at handling, I can share what I am dealing with someone else - pastor Jay, Barry, Ross, other men whom are willing to speak candidly and are going to do so with my best interest at heart.
Why is it important to do a written inventory?
For me it is easier to process when I can visibly see it on paper; it allows me to keep adding to it when and where needed because I don’t always remember clearly or need to focus my attention on what needs work because my mind does wander off and recall isn’t always as reliable when so much goes on each and every day.
What are some of the good things you have done in the past?
j) as my mom taught me, to support and lift others up even when we don’t have much to give - just doing so and learning to act upon that builds a heart of generosity and compassion.
k) youth group, big brothers big sisters, levites, recovery group (NHO, Kaimuki Christian)
What are some of the negative things you have done in the past?
j) stealing - a by-product of my poor behavior and attitude
k) strip clubs and hostess bars - same as stealing, did it without regards to the consequences and pain I knew it would cause
l) drown my sorrows with drugs and alcohol
Do you have a sponsor or accountability partner to help you keep your inventory balanced?
Currently I do not have a sponsor nor a accountability partner - I have a couple of men that I do regularly speak with that have spoken into my life; provide correction when needed and that I can run to when I need help.

inventory - Lesson 9

How do I start my inventory?

Column 1: “The Person”
List the person or object you resent or fear; go as far back as you can
1) My dad - held on for almost 30 years.
Column 2: “The Cause”
List the specific actions that someone did to hurt you. What did that person do to cause you resentment and/or fear?
2) He left my mom, our family when we were young; I believe I was 8-9 years old. Just the thought of my dad digging out, not wanting to be a part of our lives and not really caring about us. Only time he’d see us is when I’d go to his work to get money because I/we had none and my mom was doing the very best she could to take care of 3 kids (my brother was not her own) and raising us by working 3 jobs.
Remember quite vividly how he closed the doors on my brother, sister, and I when we were younger because he didn’t know we were with my older brother whom he asked to visit him. My brother thought it would be a great idea to have us come along, only to our surprise that our dad didn’t. Once he opened the door, he was about to invite my brother in when my sister and I popped out to surprise him. Definitely we did and he shut the door on us 3. From that day, my brother swore he’d have nothing to do with him and til this day he hasn’t.
Column 3: “The Effect”
Write down how that specific hurtful action affected your life; list the effects it had on your past and your present.
3) Relationship issues - was unloving and disrespectful to my mom during my high school years; wasn’t very loving during my college years; and definitely careless for about 3-4 years when I came home after college.
Just seeing how hard my mom worked and didn’t complain because she loved us was difficult because I didn’t help out much as she did everything for us. How many times she came home tired, wanting to rest but she couldn’t. Didn’t dawn on my in my young life because I really was so self-absorbed that I failed to recognize how much she sacrificed for us. This part had pained me for most of my adult life.
Column 4: “The Damage”
Which of your basic instincts were injured?
4a) Social - (e.g. broken relationships, slander); definitely not knowing how to treat women properly - was very much only after getting what I wanted, didn’t speak well to them, didn’t respect them as I should have.
4b) Security - (e.g. physical safety, financial loss); felt we always had to fend for ourselves because we didn’t have “much,” that I also had to scheme to get what I wanted, coming up with ideas how to manipulate situations to favor or completely benefit me. Stealing became second nature, then to selling drugs to fill my habits too.
4c) Sexual - (e.g. abusive relationships, damaged intimacy); without an example to model, plus never having a real conversation around women, how to treat them, how to show respect, how to care for, how to love them, I never really connected with any. Only wanted the gratification of sex without the intimacy and connection that I actually longed for.
Column 5: “My Part”
What part of my resentment against another is my responsibility? List all the people whom you have hurt and how you have hurt them.
5a) I stop wanting to connect and have a relationship with my dad because I was angry, hurt, & disappointed. Not that I saw it initially, yet it definitely was there.
5b) My mom: stole, lied, treated poorly, didn’t help out; my sister: didn’t take care of her, was an asshole - very disrespectful and unsupportive; my brother: didn’t seek to have a relationship with him as he was older and really didn’t do much with me after he was in high school; and mainly my wife & son: they dealt with my lying, cheating, drugging, & destructive ways - I put my own self-interest in front of theirs. Took Yujin’s inheritance and smoked it up or spent it living a lavish lifestyle without concern for his future; one that would have been much easier and giving him an advantage in life with the resources that was due to him. Hurt Sachi by not being faithful, going to strip clubs and hostess bars and not focusing on her well-being, protecting her and doing what husbands are supposed to - LOVE Her 100%.

Spiritual inventory part I - Lesson 10

Think About It:

Search me, O God, and know my heart: test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:23-24, TLB)

The following list gives some of our additional shortcomings (Sins) that can prevent God from working effectively in our lives. Reading through it and searching your heart will help you get started on your inventory!

Relationships with others

Forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. Don’t bring us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one (Matthew 6:12-13, TLB)

Priorities in Life

He will give them to you if you give him first place in your life and live as he wants you to (Matthew 6:33, TLB)

Attitude

Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. (Ephesians 4:31, GNT)

Integrity

Do not lie to each other. You have left your old sinful life and the things you did before (Colossians 3:9, NCV)

A) Relationship with others

Who has hurt you? (go as far back as you can) How did they specifically hurt you?
My dad for abandoning our family when we were young; my brother who stole from my wife and decided to disappear and broke off all contact; no longer friends Steven Chung, Joseph Hee - both stole from my family;
Who are you holding a grudge against? (seeking revenge)
No one
Who are you jealous of? (past and present) Why?
No one in particular; more than anything else it was people those who were able to make something of themselves, succeeding in the areas of life that I struggled with. Perhaps it was because they all seem to have things all in order with their lives while I was all over the place. When you grow up not having much and seeing others that do, deep down I suppose I wanted that and more for myself too. A lot of those times I longed for the reward without wanting to put in the work.
Who have you hurt? And how did you hurt them?
My mom - broke her heart when she found out that I did drugs, sold drugs, stole from her from time to time, and lied to her (probably the one area that hurt her the most). My wife Sachi - broke her heart too when she found out I cheated on her, did drugs, sold drugs, was being abusive (mentally and physically) to Yujin when I was using; the lying and being unresponsive husband (only looking for what pleased me), not helping out at all. My stepson Yujin - mental and physical abuse when he was very young; while I was high I was a handful, very selfish and quite mean, not just capable but very much doing it.
Who have you been critical of or gossiped about? Why?
At times those in leadership when things are not going my/our way. Don’t know if deep down I have an issue with authority more than I have a problem if you aren’t doing what’s right for everyone and that it clearly shows in how you lead or manage me and/or others. Gossiping has never been an issue with me as I try to keep my opinions, my observations to myself. Not that I haven’t said anything critical or unflattering about someone because I have. If looking back when I did participate in saying something it was probable when I had an issue with that individual or perhaps being upset I said something out of spite.
How have you attempted to place the blame on someone else? (be specific)
Yes, especially when it came to my drug use. It was because of my dad; because I didn’t get my way in this or that situation; because no one helped me; because that person is lucky, knew someone, or cheated their way to get ahead. Whenever it wasn’t convenient or that I didn’t want to look bad I probably tried to take the easy route and give some lame excuse or start pointing my finger at someone else to deflect my inadequacies, shortcomings.
What new healthy relationships have you developed since you have been in recovery?
With other Christian brothers - Barry Look, Matt Holck, Ross Yamamoto, Justin Keane, Jay Miura, and many more. Revisited my relationship with my father; since 2009 we’ve been in constant contact and either eat lunch or dinner together or I’ll bring something over for him to eat weekly.

B) Priorities in Life

What areas of your life have you been able to turn over to your Higher Power, Jesus Christ?
My family; my desires for success and money; my relationships with Sachi, Yujin, my dad, my sister Donna; my career/business; my health (physically, mentally, spiritually); my thoughts and thought process, decision-making;
After acting on Principle 3, in what areas of your life are you still not putting God first? Why not?
My finances, often I go back to the panic mode and start trying to figure out all kinds of things to get myself out of a situation or that I begin to stress out that I won’t be able to cover this or that expense. Often I rush into decisions that are terrible and not well thought out. Or, I’ll try to manipulate a situation to my benefit instead of thinking win/win.
What in your past is keeping you from seeking and following God’s will for your life?
Nothing now. Earlier in my walk and/or sobriety, it was selfishness and not being able to commit 100% to making the necessary changes that would allow God to take hold and control of my life completely.
Number the following list in order of your personal priorities (then and now):
2 - career 5 - career
4 - family 3 - family
6 - church 4 - church
5 - Christ 1 - Christ
3 - friendships 7 - friendships
1 - money 6 - money
7 - ministry 2 - ministry
What are your personal goals for the next 90 days? (keep it simple)
Get back on track with my devotions; listening to messages; updating my website with content from what I read, listened to, or watched

C) Attitude

What ares in your life are you thankful for?
Recovery (no longer using); Restoration (my marriage & family); Revival (heart that wants to serve others and not myself); Repentance (forgiven of my past)
In the past, what things have you been ungrateful for?
For what I already had - my life, my family, my job, my friends, my ability to think on my own, to make decisions clear headed and without being high
What causes you to lose your temper?
Stupid people; dumb responses; terrible drivers; liars; not accepting responsibility for ones actions and words; when things don’t go my way; feel slighted; feel cheated; feel disrespected;
To whom have you been sarcastic to in the past? (give example)
Friends, family, co-workers; anyone who thought they were right when I know they weren’t and I just let them have it. Basically pointing out their faults and failures to make up for my deficiencies and to deflect from my own weaknesses.
What in your past are you still worried about?
My focus on wanting success and prosperity - that is when I forget what God is teaching and telling me versus my desire to “get mine before others gets theirs.” My wandering eye, heart and mind - lust and desiring what is not mine.
How has your attitude improved since you have been in recovery?
Clearer thinking; making better decisions, not perfect just more sound; not angry and irritable, plus irritating to others. Able to listen to others that I disagree with and not let them bring me down nor that I destroy them when we don’t see things eye-to-eye.

D) Integrity

In the past, how have you exaggerated to make yourself look good? (give examples)
While I knew a subject on the surface, I pretended to know more than I actually did. Boasted of my knowledge where I should have kept my mouth shut. Money - I spent all of Sachi’s money (from her 1st husband’s insurance and their business) in the beginning of our relationships whereas I told people it was ours.
Does your walk as a Christian match your talk? Are your actions the same at recovery meetings, church, home, and work?
Now it does. In the beginning I was still living a double-life. Professed one thing but acted completely contrary to that. Was going to strip clubs, hostess bars, massage parlors, etc. and thought it was okay because I was the DD (designated driver) and wanted to be sure my friends were “safe” and that I wasn’t hurting anyone by being there.
In what areas of your past have you used false humility to impress someone?
For a new job, more pay, to get ahead, to win a conversation
Have any of your past business dealings been dishonest? Have you ever stolen things?
Yes, whenever I knew their would be a contest I would hold onto a contract to “win” then turn in a customers order when I should have done so immediately. Not only did I cheat my fellow co-workers, I lied to the customer that we couldn’t start their program just yet. I stole when I was in high school; cheated people while on drugs; stole pens, notepads, and other office stuff that I took home to use
List the ways you have been able to get out of your denial (distorted/dishonest thinking) into God’s truth.
Read or listen to scripture; pray; write it out on paper; telling someone; changing how I think; changing how I speak to someone; changing who I hang around; recognize what my role is or was in the mistakes I made; tell someone I have a problem; asking people for help when and where needed.

Spiritual inventory part II - Lesson 10

Your mind

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2)

How have you guarded your mind in the past? Denial?
Have you filled your mind with hurtful and unhealthy movies, television programs, internet sites, magazines, or books?
Have you failed to concentrate on the positive truths of the Bible?

Your Body

Haven’t you yet learned that your body is the home of the Holy Spirit God gave you, and that he lives within you? Your own body does not belong to you. For God has bought you with a great price. So use every part of your body to give glory back to God, because he owns it (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, TLB)

In what ways in the past have you mistreated your body?
Have you abused alcohol and drugs? Food? Sex?
What past activities or habits caused harm to your physical health?

Your Family

But if you are unwilling to obey the Lord, then decide today whom you will obey…. But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15, TLB)

In the past, have you mistreated anyone in your family?
Who in your family do you have a resentment against?
Who do you owe an amends to?
What is the family secret that you have been denying?

Your Church

Let us not neglect our church meetings, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that he day of his coming back again is drawing near (Hebrews 10:25, TLB)

Have you been faithful to your church in the past?
Have you been critical rather than active?
In the past have you discouraged your family’s support of their church?

As you continue your inventory, commit Psalm 139:23-24 (TLB) to memory and use it as a prayer:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

A) Your Mind

Since accepting Christ as your Higher Power, how has God transformed your mind (Romans 12:2)? What worldly standards have you given up?
By not letting my impulsiveness, my whims, the desires that are not in alignment with what I know to be true to take hold, even take over, and that the decisions I make or have been making are much more sound. Not perfect, just better overall.

The standard of having to live up to what other people’s expectations are of me; the expectations of living up to a standard that isn’t Biblical; the chasing after the wind (material things); what is temporary and brings no real satisfaction to my and my family’s lives. It may be nice to have, it may even make me happy for a minute, but it doesn’t last. Not having to have the fanciest of things - homes, cars, clothes, etc. and living out a life that is much simpler, happier is so much more peaceful.
How have you used denial to attempt to guard your mind?
A) Not being truthful to how I am feeling so I wouldn’t have to address my problems; B) Not wanting to accept what I have done wrong, I blocked it off so I wouldn’t have to think about it; C) If I blocked off what was really the issue, I used to tell myself that God doesn’t care since I’m not focused on it or thinking about it.
Have you filled or are you filling your mind with hurtful and unhealthy movies, television programs, internet sites, magazines, or books?
No porn - soft or hardcore shows, magazines, books or sites;
Movies with violence, action-filled, swearing, offbeat humor, I still watch
How have you failed to concentrate on the positive truths of the Bible? (be specific)
Not doing daily devotions. Prayer time has gone down.

B) Your Body

What past activities or habits caused harm to your physical health?
Drugs and Alcohol; poor eating habits - 2 plate lunches or an obscene amount of food intake;
In what ways have you mistreated your body?
Same as #1, and filling my mind with junk (e.g. news, gossip, stories - true or not, etc.)
If you have abused alcohol, drugs, foods, or sex, how did they negatively affect your body?
Got fat, lazy, health issues - close to having high blood pressure, potentially diabetes with poor eating habits and lack of exercise; lack of sleep caused my body to shutdown a few times; mentally unstable due to chemical imbalance from all the above.
What have you done to restore God’s temple?
Been sober for 15+ years; prior to back injury and health crisis, I regularly exercised, was eating better, read more, listened/watched more to stimulate my brain; and took the time to pray for others, myself, and my family.

C) Your Family

Have you mistreated anyone in your family verbally, emotionally, or physically?
Likely everyone who I was in contact with during my addict lifestyle. Definitely my mom, Sachi, & Yujin. Yujin took the brunt of it when he was very young, in elementary and middle school, partially during high school.
Who in your family do you hold a resentment against? Why?
For many years, roughly 29, it was with my dad for abandoning and hurting us - my mom, sister and I. Had no idea how much this affected me in my teens, adult life and, especially, when I become a husband and father myself.
Can you think of anyone to whom you owe amends? Why? (don’t worry about actually making them know, that’s principle 6)
Not anyone I can think of right now. Made my last amends a few years back with a friend that I broke their trust with; hurt his marriage and family. Perhaps Kelly Lenfest and her mom; she got arrested and was sentenced for some time and I never got to apologize to her for playing a role in that.
What is the “family secret” that you have kept denying?
That when my dad cheated on my mom that he may have had a kid or kids from the other person and that he has never said anything.
How have relationships improved since you have been in recovery? (be specific)
More patient and loving; no longer detached or self-absorbed with my needs - not that this part is completely gone; able share how I feel and demonstrate it.

D) Your Church

How would you rate your past participation in your church?
____ very involved
X semi-active member
____ sideline member
____ attender
____ went only on holidays
____ never attended
Prior to your recovery, what was your main reason for going to church?
To relieve the guilt; feel forgiven for what I had done or kept doing wrong; so that my sister would think differently of me
Have you ever tried to discourage any family members from church involvement? How? Why?
No, never.
How has your commitments to your church increased since starting your recovery? (give examples)
It took a few years, then I started doing youth groups and tried others until where I am today with Levites (when it resumes), small group (Justin & State’s), host (Sunday services), media (website or online church platform).